I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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