Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
