don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There r osticjed everywhere
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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