I puked a lego.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
