he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
