Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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