I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
