Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
