i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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