I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He? As in you personified your dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
