I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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