Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
