I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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