how can u be prego again
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
