Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
