saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
