Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
