everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
