Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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