Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
