I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
