I'm eating all of the evidence.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
