So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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