I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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