I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
