we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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