Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
