I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
