I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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