You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
