you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
then he tried to convert me to islam
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
