Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
