I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So here I am, sexting at work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
