I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
