Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
