The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
