You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
