True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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