a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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