Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
