How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Mom said you looked used
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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