It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
