I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
