i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
