I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
