my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
