hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
