batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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