She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think we might need a safe word for this...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
