so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
